This is what I always meant by “ambitious hedonism.”
I’ve been looking for any excuse to be with you. I am so glad to see you here in St. Paul.
It’s been too long.
What started as idle flirtation has become full blown lust. To be honest, sometimes I can’t get you out of my head. Your energy and smile, the way your body moves with mine. I remember the first time we looked each other in the eyes. You had a spark. I was hooked.
Why else would I have shown up to all those boring fucking meetings? Why else would I sit around outside dumpsters late at night, hoping you’d appear? I used to see you everywhere—the potluck, the shows, the street parties. But once all those fell apart we completely lost touch…
I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you like this, a bandana on your face and a scowl in your eyes. My old, familiar instincts return at the sight of you.
I can tell you exactly how many times I’ve dreamed of this moment.
No, let’s forget the past, now that we’re both together…
My heart is beating through my chest. I feel alive again.
Something real is happening.
To be honest, I’m terrified, but I’m not afraid of arrest or pain. What really scares me is the possibility of missing out on these moments with you. Not taking enough chances. Not pushing ourselves to take the risks we know are within our abilities.
What is it we are hoping for? Why exactly are we here?
If I can shred all inhibitions with your eyes on me,
can I do the same before the eyes of a thousand pigs and friends?
If we can trust our desires when you’re in my arms,
will it help us to do the same when you’re in the arms of the pigs?
Your grip on my wrists has always been strong, but you always stop when I say to.
If we find ourselves in this compromising position this week, please god don’t let go.
I only enjoy handcuffs with you.
We know how to keep secrets. You’ve allowed me to be myself like no one else has. I am excited by the chance to share our bodies with all these people. I want to push myself beyond the brink, beyond my own fears and hesitations. I want to turn the world upside down and show those motherfuckers we’ve finally gone past the point of no return
and we’re taking their whole rotten system with us.
Before we go out this morning, kiss me like I’ll never see you again.
While we’re separated… whenever I’m in danger… whenever I’m in ecstasy…
I’ll be thinking of you.
-from a handbill distributed anonymously at the convergence center in St. Paul in the days leading up to the RNC
[1] Unlike HSUS and PETA, the ALF is not technically an organization, but rather a banner taken up by autonomous cells which do not necessarily have any connection to each other.
[2] According to reports, the main organizers of this group have since joined HSUS. This is an example of the subtle conflicts and power dynamics that play out in the animal rights movement: SHAC organizers complain that HSUS absorbs committed activists by giving them paying jobs and forbidding them to collaborate with more militant activists.
[3] Unlike many social movements, the animal rights movement is supported by wealthy donors, and we can assume that some of them have contributed to SHAC.
[4] This advertisement is all the more ironic in view of the role masked thugs in nations like Colombia continue to play in defending the interests of corporations who trade on Wall Street.
[5] Secondary targeting means going after a person or entity who does business with the primary target of a campaign. Tertiary targeting means going after a person or entity who is connected to a secondary target.
[6] If there have not been corresponding conflicts regarding race and class, this may simply indicate that SHAC organizing has been predominantly white and middle class. Some have charged that the animal rights movement in the US attracts many from this demographic who are more comfortable protesting the oppression and exploitation of animals than addressing the power imbalances in their relationships with other human beings.
[7] Compare this to the critique of calls for “autonomous actions” at mass mobilizations in “Demonstrating Resistance,” available in the recent features section of the reading library on this site.